The Observer

Sitting

Drinking, laying down like washed up men who fall asleep on dirty, grimy couches and wake up only to yell at you for changing the channel, ignoring the fact that they clearly weren’t watching their stupid game through their eyelids and obnoxious snores.  Walking nowhere in particular besides the next five feet in front of me, or how far my vision carries me, like a nomad, a loner, a drug addict caught in his own mindless fantasies in which no other is invited.  Slipping down, deep down, into my favorite reveries, those that give me hope for my ever dwindling creativity; creativity that attempts and wins and fails to fight through social interaction, impressions of their laughter and smiling faces, general laziness, gluttony, dark eyes judging onward, groping hands that touch my body with passionate distance.  All these things, my creativity must fight for attention, for my mind is split between many realms of thought.  There is the social butterfly.  The disgusting witty extrovert who smooths his way into the minds of others, particularly females.  There is the angry distant stranger, he who attempts to write, to open his soul, to find his muse, but is far too shaky and distracted, throwing shredded pieces of paper away from himself in a rage as if they were people.  Then, there is the brooder, the thinker, the poet.  The man who spies a leaf and notices its ridges as if they were a profound message from some other world of gods.  This man refuses promptly the life of sloth, the washed up man asleep on grimy couch cushions.  This man’s words pour straight from his soul.  This man loses track of time while his words continue; as the hours tick by, this man writes his life story, his feelings, his essence: into poetry, into prose, and into the actions of new characters and souls that he creates with a great many cross outs and smudges and black drips of enlightening ink.  This man is that mindset that I search for, that mindset that I lose in the midst of hundreds of voices, of friends and family, screaming my name.  I invite this man back into my mind, wondering if he will ever return, and praying he will.

The Observer.

I wish

Dear Reader,

I wish I could write like I beg you to.  I wish I could think like I encourage all of the people around me to.  I can’t.  Not always.  I don’t claim to be all knowing or a step ahead anyone else.  I only claim to be conscious of the fact that my mind needs cultivation.  It needs an environment in which it can grow.  It needs practice and care, and the scary part is how specific your outcomes may be depending on the kind of practice or the kind of care that you give your mind.  It’s shapable, moldable, impressionable, and yet you have the power to be the biggest impression of all, to black out the outside forces, the minds that attempt to magnetize, to find similarities in their own minds, only to lead yours astray.  Don’t fall for it, and check your thoughts daily.  Make sure they’re your own.  Question yourself.  Doubt.  Only through trial may you find truth.

The Observer

dearest reader

If you are like me, you may see yourself in dark times of mental instability, an outcast.  You may see yourself as the Steppenwolf, who separates himself from the others, those humans, those beings who move and talk as you, but remain only shadows to your mind.  I apologize for my recent absence.  My lack of writing is affected by some circumstances you may be familiar with.  I can feel my mind at times slipping away from me.  Perhaps not my mind, but least of all, my insight, my ability to explain my feelings, my inspiration.  For upon being surrounded by my superiors, there is little room for study of my own, study of passion, of literature that brings an enthralling sense of ecstasy into my entire being, of observation of the natural world.  I am surrounded by studies, of language, of literature, and yet, I am forced to look at them through the blurry lens of a professor, a more learned person who sacrifices creativity for mere analytical thought, who fails to understand an author’s work as a collaborative effort between the author and the reader in order to construe meaning.  In this oppressive state of mind, I find myself giving into sloth inconsistency, lack of motivation where the overbearing thought that resides in my head is one that whispers the damnable,”Your words mean nothing.”  I entreat you not to fall for the view of another.  Refuse to look through the close minded lens of a superior.  There is a way to complete their studies while remaining individual in your response.  Give into your passions and follow them, for human passion, the entrance of emotion, is a catalyst to productivity.  Your thoughts are unique, and they are your own.  This alone gives you great power in that no one else can know your discoveries.  No one else can read a passage of literature or observe the world around them, and come to the exact same conclusions as you have.  For this simple fact, we are valuable.

The Observer

Dearest Reader

We are, me and you, the man who steps into Plato’s cave in order to speak truth to those who live within, staring with blinded eyes at shadows of perceived reality.  We are the philosopher, for we sat within the cave and saw the shadows on the wall, but unlike our peers, we are inspired to question what is outside.  We have broken the chains of captivity and stepped with weary eyes out of the cave, brushing past bemused men holding artifacts of lies.  The truth does not hurt us; in fact, it excited us with its beauty.  We run back into the cave in order to share the truth, hoping that they will see it as we can…

But let me warn you.  There are some who, when their eyes see the sun and gaze upon the truth of questioning, will denounce truth, the light hurting their eyes.  They will cower and run back to the safety of their mimesis of a cave and sit upon the wall, chaining themselves back into the captivity of stubborn acceptance.  They will not listen to our mode of thinking, content instead not to think; however, if we can inspire three or four, five or six to truly engage in thought and see the beauty in the truth revealed, our mission is complete.

Keep thinking, friends, and do not let the unthinking majority drag you down.

Dear Reader

A wise mentor of mine told me today to resist the urge to see others as “stupid robotic inferiors” and to learn from them, to make a conscious attempt to view the world through different perspectives.

This is difficult for me to do.  I know that in some of my writings, I may come off as arrogant, encouraging you to put conscious thought above all else, urging you to resist becoming the unthinking human, the robot who follows and does not listen, the one who watches with blind eyes the happenings of the world but refuses to analyze them…

 These people that I urge you not to be are part of your journey, and you can learn from them.  After all, they are human, and as much as you may not like to admit it, so are you.  And so am I.  i can tell you, I don’t like to admit it.  Watch them.  Place yourself in a position where you can see the people around you through an enlightened perspective.  This is a place where you aren’t hurt easily; a place where you are armed with the knowledge of who you are.  In watching others, in observation, we can learn from them.  We can learn who not to be, we can learn new modes of thinking that may very well change our lives, we can learn more about our own minds, for there are things within our minds that we may not have discovered yet.

Many see my words and claim I urge you to be like me, but by no means am I a final product, or even something to model oneself after.  I want to stress to you that I’m in the same place you may be.  I struggle with myself.  I wage war inside my head, between different philosophies, between what is and is not my self.  I’m on a journey of discovery, just as many of you may be.  I’m discovering my mind as I go, creating new ideas, throwing out old ones to replace them with those sturdier, fortified with beliefs and truths I’ve come upon.  The mind is in a constant state of motion: changing, transforming, and hopefully becoming more and more beautiful, being closer to identifying its vessel.

Our lives are dependent on healthy self improvement, on making oneself all he or she can be.  To be completely distant, to avoid observing your fellow human beings, to avoid empathy and compassion for those who want it is dooming yourself to learn from only yourself.  With your own mind as the only source of knowledge, you will never reach your full potential.  It is only by observing the world around us that we are able to grow.  For upon realizing what we are not, we can come to the educated and enlightening conclusion of what we are.

Contemplate.
Take sky and sea
And make them both a piece of me
My mind, encompass everything
to counteract with life’s sweet sting
And take away the pow’rs of kings
of earth of skies of abstract things
of people suff’ring, everything
To make me king of my own mind
For no man’s fit to rule mankind.

Dearest Reader

Is it easier to think or to be thoughtless?  I’ve had discussions with peers on the subject, and it is quite a difficult decision.  There are those who seem to be thoughtless, moving about their lives automatically with only the next destination in mind: those people that don’t “stop to smell the roses.”  It seems an easy life to be apathetic and some may even go so far as to claim that thoughtlessness is bliss.  Without deep thought, there are no problems for one to dwell on.  Without contemplation, there are no puzzles of life to work out; one is not forced to weave through the maze of ones mind in order to discover his true feelings.  I have some advice for the many people who are haunted with your thoughts that you may find helpful.  Firstly, think somewhere peaceful.  Think somewhere, preferably surrounded by nature, where your mind isn’t plagued with the voices of others.  Enjoy solitude and fresh air as you think your way through life’s problems.  It makes a difference.  Secondly, there is a way to remove yourself from a problem or particularly disturbing thought in order to evaluate it without being affected.  Consider it stepping back and analyzing rather than being removed from the problem in an apathetic way.  Think of yourself as uninvolved for a bit, as if you are simply, as I claim to be, an observer.  This, I find, is one of the most affective methods to think one’s philosophy without being affected by the obstruction of difficult feelings that come with it.  I might warn you, when pursuing this mindset, there is some danger in getting lost within it, unable to return to your former mode of emotion induced human thought.  When detaching yourself from the problems of the world and of your own life, you feel powerful.  Perhaps it is the simple difference you associate in yourself compared to other human beings.  Be careful to come back to the world, and remember, you too are human.

Sincerely,

The Observer

Dear Reader

Greetings, from the UK.  I can’t wait to share my adventures in this beautifully historic country.  I’m keeping a journal, but haven’t been able to post it due to lack of internet.  Everywhere I go, it costs money.  I will be posting it upon arriving back in the states.  Happy New Year!  New Years is a time of resolutions, but let’s try and keep them for once.  New Years is the perfect time to move toward self improvement.  How can you better yourself?  Be careful, in this pursuit, not to fall into self loathing.  Bettering yourself does not have to be overcritical.

The Observer

Dear Reader (who is not yet in existence)

Dearest reader, I want to express to you my goals in our relationship.  In your reading, you accept this relationship.  It is not a binding one, for you can stop reading at any time, and yet, it is an intriguing one.  For through my words and your eyes, we are connected.  I promise to take care of you as best as I can.  My goal in writing is to open your eyes, and perhaps, through the process, you can help to open mine.  I want to tune your senses, to make you think.  Truly think, not think about grades or work or the required thoughts that society imposes on all of us.  i want to make you think of the ant that crosses your path, but a little spot of ink on the grey parchment of sidewalk.  I want you to think of a leaf falling from a tree and the beauty it contains as it tumbles over itself.  Beauty is all around you.  If you learn to recognize it, to appreciate it for what it is and make it part of yourself, your mind will thank you.  

In order to do this, I will share with you my thoughts.  If this goes as well as planned (What ever goes as well as planned) we can start a community of thinkers.  Your mind is the most important tool you have.  It sickens me to see those who live their lives without any conscious thought.  They walk to their next destination like robots, following orders, spending money, eat, sleep, etc.  They have no philosophy of their life, no purpose for living than to simply continue.  We are different than them, fellow observers.  We contain the philosophical insights of the world.  Do not dismiss this as arrogance, but let it happen.  Let your mind believe in itself, for it can overcome the monotony of daily life.  Through each other, through conversation and debate and protest, we can achieve conscious thought the way it is meant to be achieved.

The Observer